Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Quit or Get Fired...?

As I sit here and write this, I’m wondering what is the difference between wanting to walk out of your job and wanting to get fired from you job. Which is worst? Which is more “beneficial” than the other? See, I’m in circumstances that ask whether I want to do one or the other. As I stand there and take what this circumstance forces me to take, I try to layer my frustration with the honest realization that I should be (and am) grateful to have a job in the first place. Therefore, I chew over how grateful I am and continued to push forward doing the work.

It isn’t an extravagant coporate desk job. And for what it is I am severely underpaid, even with my abundance of experience. I think it really boils down to my frustration toward wanting something else--something more. Something of my own. Something I have been working toward by taking steps each day. Little steps. Baby steps. Hopeful steps. While working on matching my vision with my emotions so that the Universe can provide the reality.

Yet… that damn job is still there.

So I am happy when I am getting paid the little bit of “change” I get each week. With that money I can put a little more into buying the services and products I need to continue on my baby steps toward my bigger vision. However, that doesn’t always change that nagging desire for me to turn my back on my “day job” when in my heart and soul I keep feeling like there is something else trying to get my concentration. Trying to open me up to a fantastic new experience. Something along the proverbs of a person having to throw away the old to make room for the new comes to mind.

I could go into deep details, but I suppose I will reserve them just to get my expressions and feelings out about the situation. I realize I am lucky and that I have nothing to complain about. Perhaps if I were a little younger, and with a lot less direction, this wouldn’t faze me as much. But still, I am hungry for my future and its possibilities. And I can not shake the feeling that one day I have to learn to not be the hard working responsible employee and just walk away trusting that the God/the Universe has my Truth right around the corner waiting on me to catch up to it. Or that being jobless will force me to take those other leaps and risks to forward my vision within faith.

If anyone reading this understands what I am feeling, say ‘I’.

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