Wednesday, December 19, 2018

SNARKY DNF: Knit One, Kill Two by Maggie Sefton

"Despite the fact that her aunt was an expert knitter, Kelly Flynn never picked up a pair of knitting needles she liked—until she strolled into House of Lambspun. Now, Kelly is about to learn how to knit one, purl two, and untangle the mystery behind her aunt’s murder... 
Kelly would be the first to admit her life in Washington, D.C., is a little on the dull side. But coming back to Colorado for her beloved aunt’s funeral wasn’t the kind of excitement she was seeking. The police are convinced that her Aunt Helen’s death was the result of a burglary gone bad, but for the accountant in Kelly, things just aren’t adding up. After all, why would her sensible, sixty-eight-year-old aunt borrow $20,000 just days before her death? With the help of the knitting regulars at House of Lambspun, Kelly’s about to get a few lessons in cranking out a sumptuously colored scarf—and in luring a killer out of hiding..."
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Kelly (the main character and somewhat new girl in town). Jennifer (cafe waitress). Lisa (slender blonde with a friendly smile). Mimi (shopkeeper plus mommy aura). Megan (perfect teeth and fair skin). All sitting in a knitting room tittering over knitting, with a potluck combing a taco casserole WITH pizza. All the ladies are as slender and divine in frame and shape. Each are corny as all get out with their jokes–or attempts at humor. All, well, should be at work somewhere making money.

Anyway, I knew. I just knewwwww this cast of wing nut supporting characters were going to work my nerves the further I read. Especially as each lady busy-bodied in and out around the shop and the mystery. Each casting an assumption. An evaluation. A hypothesis. Each running into the knitting shop with new, compelling information surrounding the townsfolk. Each trying to convince the main character to give the love interest who steps into the shop a chance. Accompanied, of course, with squeals. All the while pitching self-deprecating weight jokes. Swallowing mug after freaking MUG of coffee. Petting the dog time and time again. And hedging on biting into a cinnamon roll in concerns to calorie intake. And just being overall flighty, forced, artificial and annoying.

They hit me too fast. Too soon. My defensive were down, as the mystery was actually sounding interesting.

Sure, sure. It's a cozy. But THIS is a clear reminder about why I prefer Kinsey Millhone. Kinsey wouldn't put up with these girls crowding her space and cramping her style, with their oatmeal cookie-baking outlooks and smiles.

Officially, I bailed on page 25 after this...
"'Each one of you is unique and lovely,' Mimi continued with a maternal smile. "Lisa is statuesque and willowy. Megan is delicate and dainty, but tough as nails underneath," Mimi added. 
'Boy, I sure hope you've got some adjectives left, Mimi, because you've used up all the good ones on them,' Jennifer teased. 
Kelly almost choked on a mouthful of mac 'n' cheese, trying to suppress her laughter. Even the elderly lady browsing the bookshelves in the corner glanced over her shoulder with a smile. 
'And Jennifer is voluptuous and sexy,' Mimi decreed with a wicked grin. 
Jennifer pumped the air. 'Yes! Take that, you skinny Scandinavian.'"

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